There is much practical wisdom in the Torah about how to deal with conflicts. Leviticus 19:17-18 states:

Do not hate your brother in your heart. Rebuke your neighbor frankly so you will not share in his guilt. Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord.

Similarly, Proverbs 19:11 contends:

A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense.

These passages form the basis of how my family handles offenses. In our home, if someone offends you, there is an acceptable response and an unacceptable response. The unacceptable response is to “hate your brother in your heart” (Lev 19:17). This can be manifest in two ways: First, by seeking revenge—getting back at the person and hurting them as much as they hurt you. This is taking the offense and hurling it back at the person. A second way of responding with hate is to bear a grudge. Here, the person keeps everything inside. The pressure builds up. It eats away at the person and poisons their heart. Bearing a grudge is self-destructive and is as unacceptable as revenge.

Both of these expressions of hate are off limits in our family. How then can a person who is offended respond? What is acceptable?